Day 88: Racism Reactions

For context check out my blogs:

Day 45: ashamed of my ethnicity character 

Day 46: ashamed of my ethnicity character part 2 

Day 47: ashamed of my ethnicity character part 3 

Racism is a recipe for endless war, for the end of humanity, for our literal extinction. So its important to get to know all aspects of racism in this world, everything we have allowed so that we can end this charade, deleting racism from existance where we can then develop as one race, as the human race. 

So last night when I was listening to music on YouTube, at the end of one of the videos, there was a random video titled something about “racism on London underground”. So I clicked on the video as I noticed it had over a hundred thousand views and I was curious to see what it was about, and why it had so many views.

Anyway the video shows a white woman on a busy train in London who starts going into a really angry rant to all the passengers about how disgusted she is to have so many black and ethnic people around her, and that they should all go back to where they came from and “stay out of my country” as she put it. She had her young son sat on her lap, and while she was verbally abusing all the darker skinned people on the train, most people were obviously not happy about her rant particularly as she was swearing a lot while children were also on the train which angered some other parents on the train, and eventually it was just a full scale verbal war going on, which of course was not doing anybody any good.

Now although I’ve had a lot of reactions to race/racism growing up, I really didn’t often get deeply angry and go into rants about it when anyone would make a comment about my skin colour, apart from a few occasions in my preteen first school years. Mainly through teenage secondary school years I would supress my emotions about racism, and use racism in the world, or what I perceived to be racism as an excuse growing up to be an arsehole to other people, judging others and myself a lot, where I would wonder in fear with mainly most white people I would meet for the first time “are they racist? Are they going to attack me?” Until I got to know a person more, I would just quietly yet constantly think about my skin colour while I was around them, saying nothing, but just comparing myself to others in my mind, defining myself as less than white people, all kinds of fucked up shit.

Now when I watched this video I noticed that I began reacting in my mind, i knew that she was just brainwashed, but still i experienced myself as being kind of personally offended as I muttered “fucking bitch” under my breathe, I was judging her as a “bad person” extensively, and then for the next hour I went on a mind possessed forage through many different videos of similar things that have been recorded across the country and posted on YouTube. Now it has been a long time since I have witnessed such an aggressive racist rant from a person, and although it was on camera, it was like I felt uncomfortable in my own skin while I was watching it, and all I kept thinking was “I want to get out of this country” as if the problem of racism in the world is something separate from me, which is complete self-deception.

However I realized while I was watching these videos thinking about leaving the UK, that I am stuck in my mind, that there is no running from what is here, no running from myself, and that racism is just a part of this world currently, a world that I have participated in the creation of. Racism is just a part of what we humans have accepted and allowed to exist here according to our individualist brainwashing which has been passed through generations and generations. 

So yes obviously racism is completely unacceptable as it is direct inequality, however equally so is attacking racist people as “defending ourselves” resulting in war, reacting to racism in our minds is also completely unacceptable. Because no matter what anybody says that want to point fingers at others as being racist “bad people”, really in self-honesty everyone has accepted and allowed some form of racism judging some element of self’s and others ethnicity at some point in our lives, I know I have. Whether it’s something like crossing the road when a crowd of different skin coloured people to our own walk towards us, or laughing at comedy which is slightly derogatory towards a specific race, or judging cultural clothing and slight physical differences in races as weird/bad, or directly verbally/physically abusing someone of another race.

So all this event revealed to me is that I am not as stable regarding racism as i first thought, which is cool because it reveals how deceptive the mind is to believe that “I am over something”, when in actual fact, I realize that there is never any “getting over” anything, that implies mind suppression, there can only be standing equal to and releasing the point moment by moment, not getting over it. I realize that if a point has been effectively transcended, it has to have been walked out breathe by breathe in space time here, which can only be done through disciplined self-corrective application which is then proven when a similar situation where I would usually react comes up again – if I am stable here breathing without any mind movements, then I know I have effectively walked the point out, however if I react in my mind, then it is clear that I have further investigation and self-corrective application to walk.

So join me in my next blog as I continue to investigate reactions and childhood memories to racism in my life and walk self-forgiveness and living commitments in relation to this, so that I can free myself from the confines of the mind here in my 7 year journey to life.