Day 24: Fear of growing old Character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear growing old whenever I am around someone that has any signs of old age such as wrinkles or grey hair, I realize that this fear is only existing in my mind through my allowance to participate with thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in all moments when I am around old people that it is completely pointless to fear growing old because it is a natural process to grow old.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a fear of growing old character when I am around old people, as I realize that this fear of growing old character is stemming from a fear of death, which is actually a fear of self, because all fear derives from me as me through my acceptance and allowance to participate with thoughts based in pre-programming which are not actually real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as this fear of growing old character to then feed into imagination in my mind as pictures of how I think my life will be like when I’m old where I then create beliefs and self-beliefs from this that  - it will be so bad being old, and  that I apparently will not be able to do anything for myself, when all this is simply originating from my acceptance and allowance to participate with thoughts in my head which are not real, so I take self-responsibility to direct myself here as breathe rather than a starting point of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge old people as weak, smelly, and defenceless, defining old people as less than life in my mind which is manifested through participation with completely unacceptable abusive thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within a starting point of this fear of growing old character that comes up around old people, to physically become more rigid in my stance because of unconscious points I have developed and because of the judgement I’m having towards this person.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within fearing growing old I am basically saying that I believe I should live forever, which is not possible for anybody, and is simply Self-belief and reveals the fact that within this fear of growing old character I am not here breathing as life, I am trapped in the hereafter of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame old people for why the world is the way it is, when I realize that the world is fucked up because all we humans are fucked up and thus are all equally responsible for what happens here on earth. Within blaming old people as this fear of growing old character, it simply reveals my starting point of limitation as ego.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within blaming anybody for anything that exists here I am within this expecting them to put the labour in to sort it out while I sit there and do nothing where I take no responsibility for what is here which is unacceptable because I commit myself to be responsible for everything that Is here as me as my world and my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an attack/defence mechanism around old people as this fear of growing old character, where I exist as a belief that the old person will attack me verbally at some point so I take on a position in my mind of readying my defences which is not necessary and completely illusionary as is proved by the limited amount of times and old person verbally attacks me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify this attack/defence starting point of this fear of growing old character because of the fact that some old people will say to me that “I will understand when I’m older” when in discussion with me and so I know within this that the person will already disregard my word as less than there’s because I’m younger then. However within this I realize that I also disregard the old persons word and I realize that this is no justification whatsoever for mind participation which manifests this inequality so I must stop.  

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take self-responsibility and remain stable here as breathe when I am around old people, which would make mine and the old persons experience much more relaxed which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to stay my current age for the rest of the time I’m here, which is not possible and is revealing the value that I have placed on my current bodies design, which no matter how much I try and cling onto in my mind, there is no escaping the physical consequences of deterioration as aging currently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge aging with negativity in my mind, when I realize that this is only energy which is not real and so it is not negative to age at all it is just a part of life here.

I forgive myself that i have not realised in all moments regardless of who I am around that it is impossible to avoid aging, thus this fear of growing old character is not relevant and as I have revealed to myself is not actually real.

I commit myself to not allowing this fear of growing old character to exist as myself any further because i can clearly see in self-honesty that it is abusive to life.

I commit myself to whenever this character comes up in a situation to stop and not engage in any thoughts that come up, and to rather just stick to breathe where I am actually able to do what is best for all.

I commit myself to treating all beings as equals in this world regardless of how old they are or what I claim to know about the person, because this apparent knowing is not actually real as I have exposed many times, and all beings are in fact equal as life, and so all deserve equality equally as myself which is best for all.

I commit myself to not blaming anyone else for anything that exists in this world, as I realize that we are all responsible for what manifests here at an individual and global level, I commit myself to living in  self-honesty as myself here as life where no characters of fearing growing old can possibly exist.