Annoyance

So Annoyance is something we all have dealt and deal with at times mainly when we experience something as being "unfair" towards us in someway. I’m currently facing points in relation to annoyance as myself in my day to day living, so im now blogging about this topic to get my shit out infront of me. I find that I’m getting agitated, pissed off, and in general experiencing like a jagged itchiness within and as myself at certain points during my day.

This experience of annoyance I’m having consistently at the moment is mainly in relation to noisy neighbours that live next to me, my son specifically what my sons mum is teaching him, annoyance about how far my son lives from me, annoyance about my job that I’m not making the kind of money that I want to be making, as well as in relation to work colleagues.

 I’m experiencing annoyance about my current sra lesson, specifically towards myself that I’m not understanding certain parts of the material as quickly as I would like to in my mind.  There is Annoyance towards humans ignorance and this capitalist money system in general. Also annoyance about my mother’s reactions towards me sometimes, aswel as annoyance towards my mums disability which is a long existing annoyance. There is also annoyance about the point of relationships, aswel as the intentions of certain females some of which are potential partners. Annoyance about people driving with complete disregard nearly causing crashes, i mean the list of annoynaces could go on and on.

So plenty of points of annoyance I’m seeing coming up daily at the moment, which is interesting, because even within the point of absolute possession by annoyance in a moment, I immediately see what I’m allowing to happen. I see within the moment that I’m really just trying to blame something for this uncomfortable emotional experience of annoyance I’m having.

I find that every time I’m annoyed it is because I’m completely encapsulated by blame towards something or someone else, where something outside of me is not operating in the way I would like it to, according to my idea of right and wrong,  I react to that, and then become annoyed.

Then I find that when I’m existing as this annoyance that I will sometimes attempt to justify this annoyance because in my mind it’s “someone else’s fault” which is actually just completely avoiding self-responsibility in the moment.

Existing as a blaming annoyance is nothing but ego as the mind, because ego always finds a way to justify its own existence through attacking and feeding energy off something, very much like a parasite.

And then it’s interesting how when I’m blaming/feeding off another, what reveals itself to me during or sometimes after the event has happened, is that I can see that within myself I’m really just looking for energy, just looking for someone to fight with me, looking for something to utilize as an excuse as to why I’m annoyed. 

So it’s like this point of sometimes actually wanting/desiring to be annoyed about things on purpose so that I can use this annoyance as an excuse to people in my life as to why I’m not being effective within doing a particular activity or point of labour.

It is cool having these points of annoyance though, because it is supportive in revealing to me my own brainwashing, and where I require self-attention and correction. I mean annoyance at something or someone is actually always just annoyance towards myself, because this entire physical existence is me, so it is completely unnecessary to blame others for my experience because it’s not actually real to blame something, it’s only an inner turmoil originating within and as the programming I have replayed as myself my entire life. 

 And what I have learnt within walking a process is that it is me that dictates me, and with dedication change that’s best for all is actually tangible and “achievable” so to speak. I mean it is clear in self-honesty here as this breath that whatever I experience within and as myself in any moment is always through my allowance. It is never somebody or something else that is creating me in each moment; it is always me building me through what I allow as myself breath by breath.

So to claim that someone or something else is getting me annoyed, is really like saying - I’m allowing myself to be brainwashed by something, and then I’m going to blame that something for why I’m brainwashed when I could just stop the brainwashing here, now as this breath in full awareness standing equal as the point then walking it out.

So in order to correct this annoyance I’m existing as, the same as with any point of brainwashing, is just a case of applying specific self-honest self-forgiveness, then re-scripting myself to not repeat the pattern when I have a similar situation come up again, but rather to just see the point as myself here, then release the point through breathing application, and repeat every time until here no further. This is where I’m taking self-responsibility for myself in stopping participation in programming which is abusive to life, and redesigning myself to exist as what’s best for all in equality and oneness.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as annoyed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as a kind of jagged, itchy, and pissed off in complete separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define myself through this experience of annoyance within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from physical reality through existing as this experience of annoyance.

I forgive myself that I have not stopped myself in the moment immediately every time from becoming annoyed and frustrated by certain events/people/objects etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed by my neighbours making noise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed by my sons mother teaching him religious bullshit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my sons mum as lesser then me, as in less effective at parenting, and then defining her as bad within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed about how far my son lives away from me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as annoyed in relation to my job and the amount of money it pays.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed at myself  for not being in a position of making a lot more money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself ot be annoyed about how certain work colleagues conduct themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed with myself about struggling to understand my sra lesson.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed that I cannot immediately understand all the lesson material.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that through believing I should be able to immediately understand all the lesson material that I actually just exist as a state of ego where I believe I can do anything instantly, which is not so in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes experience myself as annoyed when I see a person in my space being directly ignorant and uncaring about sorting out how we humans and this money system works.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed about how my mother speaks and acts towards me sometimes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed about my mother’s disability.

I forgive myself that I have not taken action to correct this annoyance when I first saw the point within me at the start of my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed about relationships, how they function in society, and that I don’t have a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed about what certain females intentions are within knowing me.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed at people driving dangerously nearly causing accidents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that all these points of annoyance are “bad” in some way, attaching a negative polarity to annoyance. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame something outside of myself as to why I’m experiencing myself as annoyed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my annoyance through the use of blaming something or someone else for my annoyance.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that through allowing myself to be annoyed by something, I am basically saying that I am easily brainwashed, I am entrapped within and as ego, and have no ability to correct myself.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that to blame something else is not possible, because all is me as this physical existence, and so everything simply reflects back to self here.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny the fuckedness of my existance through blaming.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that every point of annoyance that exists within me is really just revealing my brainwashing to myself. It is revealing that certain memories, past events, emotions, pictures within me are causing me problems and require immediate attention and correction. 

I forgive myself that I have not understood and realised that in every moment there is never a justified point of blame or annoyance that exists. I create myself breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to utilize my experience of annoyance to justify why I’m not participating effectively within a specific task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to sometimes purposely try and get annoyed to manipulate people into giving me a break so I don’t have to work as hard.

I forgive myself that I have not taken self-responsibility in every moment where a point of annoyance comes, so that I can diffuse the annoyance and remain stable instead of being possessed within and as annoyance.   

I accept and allow myself to flag point myself and stop participating in any annoyance when points of annoyance come up during my day; I walk redesigning myself breath by breath to live and do what’s best for all, and continue to do so until these points of existence are individually released effectively.