Day 406: When is Shame REAL?

From my perspective it is one of the first things I experienced in my journey of self-realization to Life - Shame. The reason being is because it is so overwhelming initially to see exactly what I have allowed,  what Humanity has allowed collectively and then as the self-judgments come up you soon realize that you never actually had REAL shame before walking this process in fact.

I realized this as I started re birthing myself as life, that I was beginning to feel in a real physical way that I never had done before, being truly ALIVE - yet when I was purely existing as the illusion of CONsciousness I felt no shame. 

It becomes clear that it is humanities lack of REAL shame about what we individually and collectively accept and allow, which enables the system of abuse as it exists to continue. It is lack of REAL shame that keeps us from making any substantial attempt to change the world to the benefit of all life here.

In my experience if there is no REAL shame here, then there can be no REAL Change as shame is an actual real time indicator of where I am now in my process. How do you know when Shame is real or not? Well real shame is a physical realization the first real feeling, that will remain here WITH me until I actually stop bullshitting myself and change for real - Real Shame is a harrowing experience that nobody enjoys staying within, so you move to change or die so to speak, yet one must be careful with the illusion of change as suppression within this.

When is shame fake? When it is system Shame, fleeting, the shame the system uses to keep one enslaved. System shame is not paying your debts, where you get blacklisted to force you to shame, which is not real shame, it is clearly control. It is the same as a parent forcing a child into submission to fall in line to the system of slavery, which is why ineffective parents do not teach real shame to their kids, only the shame of slavery. In this capitalist system of haves and have not's, the parent has NO SHAME which in turn causes them to train their kids to be shameless, stealing from their own children the gift of life itself.

When you cheat on someone and the shame you feel when you get caught, is NOT REAL - because if it was REAL SHAME it most certainly would have prevented you from cheating in the first place. Why does someone with bulimia throw up? No shame, just self-interest. The regret/shame felt after throwing up is not real, its the mind, the ego preparing to throw up again - where as real SHAME would have stopped the cyclical indulgence of self-interest. 

The ego fears shame extensively which is why so many things in the system are designing to keep us away from real shame - to prevent, distract and entertain us away from REAL SHAME because it has the power to END Ego - everything of the system here Religion, Spirituality, Politics, The Education system, Hollywood and the core of the Capitalistic money system itself is designed to prevent Shame. 

An example of fake shame came up for me just yesterday in fact - I was watching UFC and after Khabib won he retired mentioning his fathers recent passing being a big part of the decision, I got teary eyed listening to him discuss this, its like I often experienced myself lost growing up without a father, which manifested in criminality extensively throughout teenage years and I went well off the rails in my process after Bernard and my Grandfather died in a close period of time - so I was projecting my experience onto Khabib's, that "surely he feels lost without his father".

Then I started judging myself for getting teary eyed, judging myself as I realized that I have had NO REAL SHAME about the adoration/deification I have had for Bernard and my Grandfather in my life, especially after they both died so close to each other, both of whom I saw as my father - and NO REAL SHAME about the destructive thoughts I have had towards my own father for much of my life - that I have had NO REAL SHAME about my relationship with my son and his mother - that all of these experiences are justified. 

Yet I have always seen and continue to see in my process that REAL SHAME is the key to freedom, the key to inner silence, the key to self-forgiveness, the key to self-honesty, the key to intimacy, the key to love, the key to life - so know that if you need another to tell you how shameful you are, if you do not have shame of your own volition, then you are lost as you have essentially lost the gift of life.

Self-forgiveness is crucial in this, as it will peel back the layers of pre-programmed Self-Deception in our minds which will reveal real shame HERE - then process starts, where we WILL be Reborn as the sound of Life.

Lets continue to walk no matter what - 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not truly understand the difference between System Shame and REAL SHAME.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be overwhelmed at the start of my process by the shameful realisation of what I and humanity have allowed to manifest here.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that before I started walking my process I never actually had REAL SHAME, because I would only continue to act in self-interest as the ego to abuse again, trying to avoid real shame where I know I would be forced to change to whats best for all life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as the illusion of CONsciosuness where there is no real shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise in every breath that as real shame comes up from peeling back layers through self-forgiveness, that this is where one can truly begin to feel FOR REAL.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that it is Humanities collective lack of shame that keeps the current system of abuse in place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that it is the lack of REAL shame that keeps us from making any substantial attempt to change the world in a beneficial way for all life - a Monarchy of Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that if there is no REAL shame here, then there can be no REAL Change as shame is an actual real time indicator of where I am now in my process and what I still need to correct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at times forget so to speak that the first real feeling in my process, was the experience of REAL SHAME and that this will remain here WITH me until I actually stop bullshitting myself and change for real in relation to any point of pre-programming I allow myself to participate with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in system shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience real shame but then try to suppress the feeling and deceive myself that I have really changed a point when really I haven't - which is always evidenced by feedback such as my experience with the point surrounding Khabibs father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get energy from system shame, which is control where I can justify away my abuse knowing full well in self-honesty that real shame would have stopped the cycle of indulgence in self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the ego fears real shame extensively, because of knowing that it is a destroyer of ego, which is why everything in the system is designed to keep us away from real shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to know that I have not walked through every point of my pre-programming effectively, because shame is still WITH me here, yet it is cool to verify that change is occuring step by step through the years, because if I wasn't there never be any shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the experience of system shame in relation to specific points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own inadequacies around the word father onto Khabib, justifying his retirement after the death of his father as valid on those grounds alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire/imagine/define my father as dead in my mind throughout my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for crying, judge myself for having NO REAL SHAME about deifying Bernard and my Grandfather after they passed, when this deification only kept me in complete separation of myself, where for years after their passing just like religion and system love, I had "no value" without them here - so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deify Bernard and my Grandfather after their passing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have NO REAL SHAME about the destructive angry thoughts I have had about my father for majority of my life, that they are justified because "he left me" "he is the abuser" when all these thoughts have ever done have only harmed me and everyone around me, thus are completely unacceptable - I realise that my value is here as who I am as life, thus if my father were here or not, if he were supportive or not the responsibility of my design moment by moment is down to me not my father. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend so much of my life desiring to have a perfect father and being ashamed of my own father as a polarity in complete separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have NO REAL SHAME about my relationship with my son and his mother, using my father being a worse father then me as a justification for this when I know in self-honesty that comparing to my fathers ineffective parenting growing up is no excuse to not face and improve my own.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my granddad and Bernard as my actual fathers growing up defining them as "so much better" men then my "weak bad father" which regardless of the fact that my grandfather and Bernard were indeed more supportive beings in this world to my father - creating a polarity friction only keeps me in separation as well as that of all of humanity. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that anytime I am justifying my experience as thoughts, feelings, emotions and energies in self-honesty it is just my mind trying avoid facing real shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that self-forgiveness without real shame is useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise in every here breath that REAL SHAME is the key to freedom, the key to life as it is based in Self-Introspection, Self-Measurement, Self-Dignity, Self-Action - if you need anyone to tell you how shameful you are and you can't do it yourself, then you are fucked and have lost your gift of LIFE which is the biggest shameful sham.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the very fears I fear manifest into actual consequential experiences - not just in my own world here but in all of humanity as one together.

I commit myself to only participate with real shame, where real change occurs as opposed to system shame where abuse can be justified to continue.

I commit myself to exposing through my walking that it is the lack of real shame in this world that keeps humanity limited as being unwilling to change to whats best for all life - when one realizes what one has allowed, real shame will come up and the journey to living whats best for all life can really manifest. 

I commit myself to show that the ideas of shame we are brought up in the system to believe are real are actually just control.

I commit myself to show that everything in this capitalistic system is designed to keep us away from real shame for the ego fears real shame, because none of the egos tricks work when real shame is present.

I commit myself to living into a existence a system where all beings live self-responsibility as whats best for all life which will only happen when we face real shame and move through it with self-corrective application where we can all live and feel for REAL.