Day 332: Success with no Reward?

It is such an alien concept to us humans isn't it? We struggle to fathom any concept that does not reward us in some way as a gauge of our success in interaction with something or someone.

All throughout childhood in this world, I learnt from 99.9% of adults that my success in life will always be gauged by the rewards I gather - my success in education will be defined by my grades, my success in work will be determined by my paycheck, my success in relationships will be determined by how much "love energy" the relationship gives me, my success in sports will be determined by the size of my trophy cabinet, we could just go on and on from here, all based on a success/reward system as a definition of life in complete separation from actual life.

It is simply put a world where everyone desires success/rewards and fears the failure of not having the success/reward system firmly implemented in all areas of our existence.

It is a cold machine like existence in separation from life and I have walked a lot of self -forgiveness on this point of success/rewards, yet moments come up still that show me I am still operating from a success/reward system as a definition of life as limitation.

Through rewiring my brain I do not have the taint of success/reward when it comes to looking after animals, interacting with family and friends and new people I meet without any sexual or business relationship basis.

But as far as work and sexual relationships go, in self-honesty the success/reward system is still present, which through my allowance sabotages my ability to live what is best for all life in work and in sexual relationships. 

I have blogged and forgiven myself extensively recently about success/reward in relation to sexual relationships - however, Just recently for example I got angry at work, this anger was stemming from changes that were occuring which I saw as a negative to everyone's success/reward system in the company. I stormed out of the meeting uttering swear words under my breath as I did so.

In this moment I was ego, feeling personally offended that these company changes could be allowed to affect everyone's ability to be rewarded in money. I then proceeded to vent about this with a colleague and later that day after much breathing I considered -

Would I have been so angry if my reward from the last payday was twice as large? Even if others got much less than me? In self-honesty while I may have still  been slightly annoyed about others getting screwed, I know that I would not have been nearly as angry - amazing though how if the ego was speaking it would deny this, saying "im angry that everyone is getting screwed, not just me".

But that's the trick ego plays with us, it validates its motives that we "choose" as a pretence of being "righteous" when what is behind this projected image of righteousness is the real face, the self-interested, spiteful  abuser looking for its energy fix at all costs no matter what happens to anyone else.

I have to be more specific, go deeper in my self-investigation and realignment to what is best for all life to make sure that the taint of limitation from the success/reward system of capitalism is removed from who I am -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to recently get angry about company changes that affect everybody's pay, saying to others I am so angry because the changes mess up everyone's pay - when in reality in self-honesty the reason my anger was so pronounced was because of feeling that the changes fuck up my own success/reward system in the company first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself and others that my anger is coming from a place of equality, when in reality it is coming from a starting point of separation as the ego.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react in anger as the ego to something i see that is blocking my success/reward system at work - as the ego always wants what it wants for itself now and gets angry if it doesn't get what it wants now.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every breath, that if only I was being paid more by the company, then my success would be more confirmed to my ego and so my anger would have been considerably less in this moment - when in reality if life is getting screwed, I should speak out with just as much passion whether I am directly effected or not, abuse to life must be exposed, because I am equal to all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have more rewards as a gauge of my success, with no care of if others are rewarded as much as me - when in reality in self-honesty unless all are rewarded as life none can truly be successful in life, because while one person is left out in this world then none are deserving of reward or claim of success, because if one fails we all fail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as ego to believe I deserve more rewards than others, because of seeing myself as being better than majority of agents in the company.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my desire to fulfil the success/reward system at work for myself, because of being statistically better than many others at work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the success/reward system in my mind in relation to work, because the company directly rates each agents success based on how much rewards they make and if they don't make enough rewards they get fired - so then my mind automatically assumes that because the company is structured this way, then its ok for me to also be a success/reward robot because that is what the company wants. In reality nothing outside of myself should move me to accept limitation of myself, I must always be the directive principles of who I am in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other agents in the company and define my success based on how much I am getting rewarded in comparison to my colleagues.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience jealousy when someone gets rewarded more than me in the company.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire approval from other work colleagues as confirmation of my rights to my success/reward system as the validation of my effectiveness as the ego that lives off self-elected rewards and praise of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the success/reward system I was taught as a child and even while walking process to still maintain it within the spheres of relationships and work which has only been limiting me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define success in my life in terms of the rewards I will be able to secure at work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define success only in terms of my working life first and not in terms of all life equally, where I can glorify life and not only myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define achievement in terms of what I do to attain rewards, instead of who I am as life - where life as equal fulfilment is the reward for all beings on Earth and as such the only point that maintains me as successful living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see that I am in a relationship with all of Earth and so the world is my mirror as what I allow and if any relationships result in abuse, they are immediately corrected if they do not result in a reward of equal life and living for all as what's best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define life rewards to be based on what I do as a self-definition where I define who I am through rewards.

I forgive myself that I have failed to see that teaching children like this is used at home by parents to reward what children do, in turn designing who they become as a rotten child, instead of building a child as who they are as life, that will grow into a being that will never abuse life just to get a reward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to understand how I have accepted success to be connected to financial reward and through this define morality based on the size of the reward - accepting abuse on Earth as long as the reward is big enough, separating myself from life, accepting the abuse of other beings just because of not seeing them as life, as I have defined life as a personal reward machine of success.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify abuse of life through shifting my personal accountability to governments and big business, claiming innocence where I can just blame those in power for the abuse I equally allow as long as I get my success/reward system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see that my vote is what has created the laws where success/reward as abuse has been accepted on Earth, and through the majority blaming the minority, allowing apathy, desiring in self-interest to gain rewards while claiming innocence through "lack of power" when in reality the world is ruled by groups and if the majority can remove the desire for success/reward we can make a real heaven on Earth reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a Judas to life in relation to work, insisting on my individuality which rewards me with personal success, blaming groups in power for why others are left out of the group - claiming its pointless to try and stop what's here, so let me just take the silver, sell out life as long as i profit as reward/success, then i'm all good apparently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see that life has never been truly given as a reward and that success as life has also never been allowed to exist for all equally on Earth, - so I take self-responsibility to change this.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist as this success/reward system at work, I see who I limit myself and allow abuse through the allowance - so as and when I see my mind having any thoughts coming up about the validation of the success/reward system in this world I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to interact as in doing so will only keep me trapped in separation, so I breathe and continue to do so until there is no more thoughts that come up.

I commit myself to living the realisation that success must be defined as equal support for all life to clarify that what is best for all life is the only acceptable reward for all life.

I commit myself to rebuild the glory of life as the most important value worthy of reward.

I commit myself to challenging any individual that serves personal success of reward, to expose how they allow abuse on Earth no matter what conflict may result - yet I will keep this challenging peaceful through communication creating change through self-realisation, self-transformation , self-accountability and the discovery of life as real successful living.