Day 179: The Magician part 2

Smoke and mirrors, cloak and dagger - the ways of a being who allows themselves to be a magician is full of deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically psychologically transform into a "Magician" character at certain points in my life. I realise that while this character can be useful in certain moments in certain lines of employment for example, it is not something that should be spilling into my life as a whole where i define myself through this character, because that is separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in moments where someone is asking me to do something, or even sometimes just asking me a question - to shift into this "magician" character where my aim is to build anticipation of my response, utilising vague language, creating doubts in my "audience", attempting to hold a persons suspense, utilising misdirection and deception to then destroy the persons initial doubts, with shock "value".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delay the assisting of a person in need through allowing myself to exist as this magician character. I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments that this character should not be coming up around friends and family, or in any moment or interaction with any being that is not related to employment.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to walk in the shoes of another in need immediately, and be straight and direct about my ability to assist this person or not here now. I realise that if I am in a shit situation where I am forced to ask someone to help me, that I would want to know asap here, whether or not the person I'm asking can help me with my dilemma, not games of magic and mystery just to get to a simple answer.

I forgive myself that as this character i allow myself to pretend that i can or cant do something, when the opposite is true, so that i am in the "position of power" in my mind over a persons perception of me, as the ego, as god, in complete separation of myself.

I forgive myself that i have not realised in every moment of breathe, that this "Magician" character is a mind consciousness system construction created through a long standing desire to be mysterious which has existed within me and I have fed into, since I was a young boy, through teenage years and into adulthood. So I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be mysterious
for years, to get energy, to more and more define myself through that energy in complete separation of myself.

I forgive myself that i have not realised until Iv'e started investigating, that this "Magician" character has been existing and accumulating within and as me for years. I realise that i learnt this character from interactions with the world in younger years - I always remember my granddad saying to me as a young boy that you should "Always keep your cards close to your chest". I realise that I learnt the cornerstones of this character from my grandfather saying this to me, so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memories of my grandfather supporting mystery, secrecy, magic and the occult, and then using those memories to accumulate with various other layers through the years into a "magician" character.

I forgive myself for not realising that just because I find magic and the occult to be interesting like my grandfather, that does not mean that creating a "magician" character in my life, in complete separation of myself is acceptable, so i take self-responsibility to sort this out so that this is not something that comes up with every person in my life, or that I am defined according to, but rather something I can just utilise for employment to complete a mission for example.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to feed into and define myself as this "Magician" character, I realise that while it can assist a person to use elements of this character to complete certain tasks in certain employment, this is not something that should come up automatically around friends, family and everyone i know. So as and when I see myself shifting into and as this "Magician" character in any moment outside of employment, then I stop and breathe, I realise that this is not a mission, that I must not feed into the thoughts to shift into the "magician", so I breathe and continue to do so until the thoughts do not come up, where i am able to apply common sense, create and live solutions that are best for all here.

I commit myself to living the realisation, that even when I utilise points of this character during employment, that I must make sure I am not believing the bullshit I am spinning, that I am not feeding energy into and actually defining myself in my life as this magician character, because I realise that this will only lead to the further separation of myself. So I realise that once I stop the automation of this character around people, then I will eventually be able to decide myself when and if I shall use this character, and purely as an interaction point, rather then a possession point, to assist with the completion of an employment task to the best of my ability. Because other then that, as I have shown there is no benefit for all life in day to day living to accepting this character.    

I commit myself to investigating and applying myself with regards to this point no matter how much investigation and application is required, until I am satisfied that my interaction is actually best for all in all moments.

I commit myself to living the realisation that being open, direct and clear with people in day to day living is always best for all, because that way, there is no cards being hidden, no games being played, no magic being attempted, but simply the reality of my capacity to assist life here, which makes it quicker, more fluid and effective to get to a solution that is best for all in any situation.