Day 117: "I hope the damage can be repaired" - can we change our mistakes?

So recently i have had an event happen where i unintentionally harmed someone close to me, and in regards to this i have been experiencing a lot of disbelief, self-judgement and hope. I've been attacking myself in thought about it a lot, for causing this person that i care about such an uncomfortable physical experience.

Now while this person has forgiven me for my actions, as she saw it was unintentional, receiving forgiveness from another for my actions is never the point to me, because i know that the origin of my actions always comes from myself - so whether anything i do is an accident or not i am always responsible for my actions regardless. So the focus must always be on investigating the - How? When? Where? What? Why? Of the whole event, so that i can get to the bottom of any abusive self-creation - then forgive myself for what i have allowed - then realise what i need to do to change for the better, then live the necessary changes. For many people receiving forgiveness from another is enough to "feel satisfied" that change has been made, but just like when you use a rubber to rub out writing mistakes you make with a pencil - while you can rub out the mistake, you can repair the damage to a certain degree -- it is the origin of how the mistake was created that needs to be changed so that the rubber doesn't need to be used again in the future.

So after the disbelief experience of causing this person harm, the self-judgement has been immense where thoughts have been continuously based in regret and how stupid i am for allowing this to happen. Then after the self-judgement has been many thoughts based in hope, a hope that the damage i have caused can be fully repaired.

Its interesting because everybody has done something they have regretted in their life, an action completed where in the moment we did not slow down within and as breathe, use common sense and do what's best for everyone. Then after the event has happened we look back and say "what the fuck was i doing in that moment?" and when we are honest with ourselves we know it is because we were stuck within the mind during the event, where we were operating from the starting point of self-interest of "what felt good" to do in the moment, which in turn caused a complete miscalculation an inability to see and do what's best for all life in that moment, and then the inevitable consequence of someone being harmed was the result.

As a species we have to learn to live within and as breathe in all moments, so that common sense can always be applied and a result of what's best for all can be brought into physical reality in all moments. It is a long process of learning that we are all going through, which has to be walked no matter what because the future of our species depends on it.
   
While it is understandable that mistakes in our personal lives and as a species in taking care of the planet will result in thoughts like "i hope the damage can be repaired". We must get to a point where we are not constantly trying to fix the harm we have caused, but rather we are stopping any damage from being caused in the first place, because prevention is the best cure, rather then a plaster being put onto the resulting damage.

I have experienced this hope many times when i look at the problems in the world for instance, when i have looked at starvation, poverty, crime etc, there is a hope that has come up many times before that these problems can be fixed. When i have since realised that hoping for change cannot create real change, hoping for abuse to be fixed, is only a sure way to ensure that the abuse continues, because no action is taken.

This is where religion is problematic in the world, because it is all based in belief and hope, a hope that some "higher being" will come and fix the problems on the planet, because its "gods responsibility", not our own - if your not sure what i mean, then just look at the mafias connection to the catholic religion -- the film the godfather highlights this point well, but there are so many examples in this world of abuse being justified, promulgated and perpetuated in unison with religion.

I mean i could pray to god and hope he forgives me and hope he fixes my mistakes, but its delusional and not effective - within hope there is no self-responsibility, there is no understanding that not only do we need to act to repair all the damage in our lives and in the world, we have to make sure that no more damage happens at all that requires repairing, because as we have all seen in our lives before - we cannot undo mistakes that we have done, the consequences of our actions cannot be changed, but we can make sure that the negative consequences we have created are not reborn, that our mistakes are not repeated again in the future - this is what i'm doing now.

So i take Self-Responsibility to live what's best for all in my life and in the world as a whole, so i must learn from my mistakes to not re-create them - to breathe and act in all moments so i do whats best, rather then react in my mind where what's best for all is not considered. So i will remove these disbelief, self-judgement and hope experiences i have had in relation to this event in my life, because they do not assist me in making sure i live what is best for all in every moment, so join me next week as i walk Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective statements.