Inequality Costs

The majority starve in this world, while many like myself live in dignity and luxury, which comes at a cost, the cost is the abuse of so much life in this world, because inequality costs, you cannot have the rich exist without the poor, you can’t have positive without the negative, both are intrinsically intertwined as the same point of inequality as polarity. That’s why at desteni we say equal money system, because in an equal money system there is no rich and poor, there is only what’s best for all, where everyone is afforded dignity and luxury, and it doesn’t come at a cost of someone else having to suffer for it.

So recently I have had to stop my DIP payments currently, due to miscalculating some monetary outgoings in relation to a new car, and an overdraft function on a bank account. It’s very interesting to look at the point of miscalculating a point, where we forget something, or we don’t pay full attention to something, or we rush something for instance. Because these points always shows us that we are not completely aware within and as breath here, in complete understanding of what is happening in our world and our reality, but that we are being controlled by some facet of a pre-programmed system design within our minds that separates us from physical reality. 

So in relation to the car, my ineffective filling in of the application form for the insurance on the car that has cost me a lot money. So a management meeting at work overran by about an hour and a half, which I could do nothing about, what I can do something about is correct any reactions that come up in relation to this. 

However towards the end of the meeting, I started getting thoughts come up along the line of “this is going on way too long, its fucking up my schedule for the day”,  then instead of breathing  releasing this thought and simply restructuring my schedule for the day practically -  I basically allowed myself to project into the future, and I began fearing doing paperwork past 11pm, then I began to fear not having enough time to do everything, so I began to rush through the rest of my schedule for the day to avoid doing paperwork past 11pm. And my “determination” to get my schedule for the day done I can see now was only revealing the enforcement of my ego, to believe in my mind that “I’m behind schedule but I don’t need to restructure the remainder of my schedule, I can get it done, I’m effective, I can handle these points” etc. 

So while rushing being controlled by this fear of time after the meeting, it’s like every remaining point for the day became like this obstacle in my mind that “I must rush through” so that I can achieve the goal of completing all the tasks for the day, which again is just a point of ego, so that I can say to myself in my mind – “well done marley you were really effective you got lots of points corrected today”. And after going to the bank to pay child support, taking in my teams results, calculating wages, doing food shopping, hovering, shaving, having a shower, laying out next week’s work schedule, walking the dogs, feeding the dogs, washing up, I had some more paperwork to do for work, and I also wanted to complete my car insurance application, which I could have left to the next day, which would have been more practical to do so, but because I allowed myself to be controlled by this fear of time, which in essence is simply fear of self, fear of death, I rushed the application form submitted it for a quote which came out at £800 which I was happy with. 

However the next day  before I called the insurance company to verify the quote,  I decided to check the details I had filled in, because I remembered how much I was allowing myself to rush though most tasks the day before. Then at one question it said “any previous convictions not related to driving?” which I had left as a no, which is not true for me, as I have had multiple convictions in my life, so once I changed the answer to yes and refreshed the quote, it jumped up from £800 to £1200 from that one simple miscalculation, fascinating.  Now this miscalculation only happened due to allowing myself to be controlled by fear of time, by my programming, due to me not being fully aware here as breath, standing equal as this application form as myself where I take on every point within this application form specifically detailed in accordance with what is required to complete the form effectively. So this is a cool example of how inequality can literally cost us money, simply through allowing ourselves to be controlled by thoughts, feelings and emotions, not standing equal as the physical as who we really are.

Also the problem I had with a specific bank account building over £1000 overdraft debt again has only happened through my miscalculation of points, allowing myself to be controlled by my programming. So because I haven’t been using the account for a while, I allowed myself to push the account to the back of my mind, purposely disregarding the account, focusing only on the accounts that I actually use every week. And so because I allowed myself to judge this one account as inferior in my mind to my other accounts, believing it had no money in it, I was totally unaware that the account had an overdraft function on it, and that this account was over its agreed overdraft limit of £250, and that for over 3-4 months the account has been accumulating a £6 a day overdraft debt, which has now been brought to my attention by a different account being frozen until I start making payments to clear the debt which I have started. 

So fascinating, because this debt on this bank account has only built up, because of not treating all of my bank accounts equally, taking into consideration every penny that is in every  account, every detail of each account status,  every function of each account. 

We humans with dignified lives tend to blame something else when we get into situations of monetary debt, when very often it has only happened through our own miscalculations of our outgoings, overspending on something, forgetting to pay something on time etc. Basically not considering the fact that we live in a debt based capitalist society here currently , that within not standing equal to our outgoings, being aware of every penny we spend, then there will inevitably be a cost for not considering that which must be paid, or will result in more debt, less dignity, more crime, more prison etc.

So I do not allow myself to blame anything or anyone for this slight monetary situation I am in, I take full self-responsibility to correct this situation and ultimately to correct the cause of this debt which is my own allowance to be controlled by my programming. I do not allow myself to hide away from what I have created for myself, I realise and understand in self-honesty that unless I correct this now, then inevitably I will make the same “mistakes” again in the future, which could have much more serious consequential monetary losses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the thought that “this is going on way too long, its fucking up my schedule for the day” in relation to a meeting that overran.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame this overrunning meeting for allowing myself to fear time.

I forgive myself that I did not realise in the moment that by blaming something or someone else for what I am experiencing in side myself, is basically to say that I am not responsible for myself which is bullshit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take full responsibility for myself in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not simply breathe and restructure my schedule for the day in accordance with the overrunning meeting, but instead feeding my ego believing that “I must get my tasks done”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider in the moment, that by putting pressure on myself to complete an impractical amount of tasks for the day, that I am simply feeding and standing as the ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand as and feed the ego through trying to do more than I am able to do in one breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my mind that I should not have to restructure my schedule, which is basically to say that I don’t have to change my schedule according to what has happened during my day.  

I forgive myself that I did not realise in the moment that by forcing myself more tasks then I am able to practically do in a day is self-abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project into the future, and see a picture of myself still doing paperwork past 11pm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear running out of time and thus trying to justify in my mind rushing through tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify rushing through tasks because of fearing running out of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to this fear of time through allowing it in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from physical reality through allowing myself to be controlled by the fear of time.

I forgive myself that I did not realise in the moment that by fearing running out of time, I am actually only fearing myself, which is unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I did not realise in the moment that by fearing running out of time, I am in essence only fearing death, which of course cannot be avoided, so is completely pointless to fear. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that me being determined to get my schedule for the day completed is valid, when in fact if it is not practical then it is simply ego.

I forgive myself that I did not realise in the moment that my “determination” to get my tasks done is simply ego allowing myself to be defined and controlled by the ego.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be defined and controlled by the ego in my mind as a “determination” to get my schedule done. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am effective enough to get many points completed in a day because I’m a destonian.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I’m a destonian then I can do more than someone who’s not a destonian, placing an unnecessary connotation on a destonian.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that destonians are “more than human” in some way and so can handle multiple points in a day, even when behind schedule.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a superior value on destonians as something more than anyone else, which is insane, because destonian or not, we are all bound to the limitations of this reality, we are all subject to an unequal money system, and we all can only do what we can do in one breath.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that each destonian is simply a human like any other, and is not special in anyway, but simply lives practically in a way that’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify rushing through points because I’m a destonian, which is actually contrary to a what a destonain is, because a destonian is specific in detail of manifesting what’s best for all, not attempting to rush what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I did not realise in the moment that rushing a point, just to get energy of “well done marley very effective” is not best for all at all, it is only ego. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to get energy from completing my schedule for the day to feed my ego. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal as my car insurance application as myself completing the form in maximum possible detail, but to separate myself from the application through fearing time and thus rushing completing it ineffectively.

I forgive myself that I did not realise in the moment that by rushing any task that requires to be done, I am only ensuring that a specific detail is missed; only ensuring that the task is not done effectively but rather quickly. 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be consumed by this fear of time while filling in my application form which resulted in an ineffective result which only cost me more money. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place more value on bank accounts that have money in them, that I use regularly, and purposely disregard one account.

I forgive myself that I have defined some bank accounts as more important than others based on how much money is in them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard one account as less then another, when in fact all bank accounts are equal as bank accounts and thus are of equal value.

I forgive myself that I did not realise in the moment here as breathe, that by disregarding one bank account I am only disregarding myself.

I forgive myself that I did not realise in the moment that by disregarding something as less then, that there will always be a consequential price to pay for such inequality allowed, which for me here was over £1000 overdraft debt.

I forgive myself that I have not stood equal and one as all my bank accounts, as all are equal as me as this one physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate from who I really am as breath as life, through thinking in my mind that some bank accounts are more important than others, which is like saying some parts of physical reality are more important than others which is separation that is completely unacceptable.

So I understand and realise that it is completely unacceptable to allow myself to blame something or someone else for any reaction I experience in side myself. I realise that it is not acceptable to fear time in anyway as it is only me fearing myself, fearing death, it is separation that only leads to rushing myself, which of course only leads to tasks being completed ineffectively, which is not acceptable. I realise that it is completely unacceptable to believe in my mind that I can handle any amount of workload in a day because I’m a destonian which is just feeding ego, and is abuse of my physical body, and is actually completely contrary to how a destonian lives which is practically here as breath completing what requires to be done in one breath, not attempting to do more than what is practical in one breath which is only ego. I realise and understand that it’s not acceptable in any way to place extra value on any part of this one physical reality, because this extra value I’m placing on the physical in my mind is not real - reality is real, not my interpretation of it, so all are equal in fact.

I will not accept any less than what is best for all in my life as self-honesty, so when a situation comes up at work where i may start blaming work for affecting my schedule and why I’m having reactions, such as an overrunning meeting, then I stop, I breathe, I do not allow myself to be controlled by this separation, instead I direct myself within and as breath which is best for all.

Whenever I am behind on tasks for the day, then I stop, I breathe, and I direct myself within and as breath, I do not allow myself to separate myself from here by going into any fear of time in my mind, I do not allow myself to rush, I simply restructure my schedule accordingly.

Whenever I react to a schedule, and start believing in my mind that I can complete the schedule just because I’m a destonian, then I stop, I breathe, I direct myself within nan d as breath, I look at the schedule practically here, I do not allow myself to feed my ego forcing myself to complete it, if it is practical to do so, then I complete it, but if it’s not practical, then i simply breathe and restructure the schedule in a way that’s practically best for all.

Whenever I react to something like bank accounts, and I can see that I’m clearly placing  extra value on one account over another, then I stop myself in the moment, flag myself and breathe, I continue to breathe directing myself here. I do not allow myself to separate one bank account from another; I do not allow myself to separate one part of this physical reality from another, I simply breathe and walk.