Day 337: When Anger possesses a friend

What happens when you say things as they are in life? When you call out someones behaviour in a moment, you will always find a resistance as the ego, because the ego as what we humans exist as hates to be called out and questioned.

It can make a person's blood boil very quickly, which can result in one of 4 ways - the first is the rarest, which is where a person will take onboard what you are saying take a deep breathe and stop their stupidity before the anger builds up, the second is the person feeling insulted reacting to what you say giving scathing spiteful remarks at you in a purposely argumentative way, or thirdly they will suppress the anger pretending to ignore you and walk away probably to never speak to you again, or lastly they will see red, become completely possessed by aggression and actually physically attack you in a blood rage for calling out their stupidity.

When I was a teenager the second and last ways were common for me, I would always love the chance to verbally abuse/argue with someone or an excuse to fight them for calling out my stupidity - I have had to learn the hard way that always reacting in anger with people only causes hurt for yourself and others which can never be acceptable. It was only thanks to learning from some amazing people at crucial points in younger years where I was able to teach myself to change my destiny of anger, to save myself from certain death or life imprisonment.

Now when someone gets consumed with Anger towards you in a moment, this could actually be anyone in life, because the word friend is one we like to throw about without much solid foundation, which is why from my perspective it usually takes years to actually build a friendship that is based in real trust.

You just never truly know what a person is thinking, so you can think you know what someone would do when you offend them intentionally or not, but you won't really know until it happens.

Then when you mix alcohol and/or drugs into the mix things can get explosive as those chemicals, especially alcohol often heighten the emotional anger in a person.

Certain industries like sales, wall street, martial arts, military will often have some of the most competitive office environments, so comparison and jealousy can creep up quickly in people in the secret mind

There will be no pre-warning when a sensitive or easily provoked person becomes possessed by anger, while you are still considering them a friend, they will have lost all concept of you being friends as the anger takes over all common sense in an instant.

When this happens you will be immediately attacked, violently - in the moment this past weekend as I questioned a work mates need to act like a tough guy, I was attacked quickly, sucker punched as this person hulked out about my words in an instant.

As i'm getting hit in the head repeatedly, moving away questioning this work mates anger, telling them to calm down, it's a strange experience wondering how someone close to me in terms of working proximity everyday, could have such anger towards my words so quickly.

I did not retaliate to any of the attacks on me - I did not fall to anger, the same way I did not fall to the ground in amongst the attack, but my hand was bleeding from my beer glass that broke in my hand on a table, my lip was cut and my eye had a lump on it, as the glass broke some bystanders got in between us, I was laughing at the stupidity of the situation while also being surprised and disappointed at the level of aggression towards me from a work friend.

When it comes to my work friends, I have no competition within me, no desire to crush their dreams within me. It is the same as any level of friends, any family in my life - If my mum started punching  me, or one of my longtime friends, I will not attack them back physically at all - I will move away, while letting them take their anger out on me, trying to question their motives and calm them down.

I cannot harm someone easily nowadays, it is a result of years of walking my process and martial arts training - the only time i will engage in combat is if an unknown person on the street is trying to harm me and I have no option but to defend myself, or if a friend/family member of mine is being attacked by someone.

But regardless, I still must make sure I do not forget how quickly anger can take over someone when I say something to them, yet I cannot judge this as I have been this myself before -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see, that no matter if I define someone as a friend or not, I cannot forget that I cannot control how much resentment a person has towards me in any moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that trust takes years to build with a person, when new friends come into my life I cannot initially trust anyone because I do not know how they are initially reacting to me in their mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss how much anger a work mate was suppressing/building towards me because of drinking too much alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that the face of pure anger, is like a ticking time bomb in everybody, ready to blow about different things in our lives at different times -  I realise that the stability I have developed to not allow anger to control me into unnecessary combat, not everybody has the same level of stability as me, there was once a time when I also did not know how to control my anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise in every breath that any outburst of anger towards me is always based on some point of competition and fear the person is having about me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that whenever someone explodes in physical anger on me, it is like looking into a resonant past mirror of when I was an angry young teenager, looking for any excuse to explode in anger upon someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make valued judgements about a young man losing his cool with me, when I was once that young man losing my cool quickly.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that this display of aggression towards me, in what should have been a peaceful situation, could be perhaps trying to show me that I still may have some areas of anger that need to be corrected in my own life, because while I do not have anger issues to physically attack family, friends and work colleagues, I do sometimes have anger for instance around not having a partner would be one area of anger I see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger about not having a long term successful relationship with a one female, I see how carrying this anger does not assist me in living what is best for all life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry at myself when I say something in a way a person doesn't like, which then destroys a relationship with someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry towards a person's brainwashing that blocks me from having a  relationship with them, which only causes further offence and spiteful words between each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not always be aware enough of when I am pushing a button with someone, that is too close to an anger explosion in their life for whatever reason.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that when you are succeeding at a profession and someone you work with is not, it can cause immense comparison and jealousy in a person which can be destructive when combined with explosive anger patterns in a person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that we live in a world that still allows children to starve and die everyday.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that I don't have more money then I do , when In reality I live a life of dignity with luxuries so why would I be angry? Aspiring for more is cool, but anger about not having more money is not ever necessary in manifesting what is beneficial to all here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that some of the greatest people in the world, often get ignored by mainstream society for their efforts in supporting all life equally, because it is judged as "not entertaining enough" for the ego, for the mainstream world of Disney, MTV, Sky, Fox, CNN, BBC Etc.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry when my computer doesn't operate quickly enough when i'm trying to do something on it.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to forget how quickly anger can take a person, even if i consider them a friend - so as and when I see someone i consider a friend is having an issue with me, I stop and breathe, I realise that what I say to them and how they respond, could cause a chemical reaction of anger to overtake the person to attack regardless of our friend status, I continue to breathe releasing any thoughts, no fera simply awareness of what can occur when overreaction occurs in a person.

I commit myself to always being aware that when alcohol is given to someone who already has some resentment towards me, it can always lead to an explosion in that person and so it will always be a better idea to keep my distance, or not even be in that situation with that person in the first place.

I commit myself to while i have removed much anger within me in my life, to locating and removing any forms of lingering, procrastinating anger in my life as this anger will not support me to live what is best for all life.

I commit myself to living the realisation that Anger is only valid if it leads to the upliftment of life - for instance, if i let my plant die and i get angry about it, then it's cool to utilise that anger to motivate me to be better at looking after my next plant.

I commit myself to not judging a person for having explosive anger to harm someone, as once upon a time in my youth, that was a type of anger I also had.

I commit myself to showing others the dangers of anger in humanity and how we must be so careful, we must learn self-control in life, because the anger is one of the most all consuming emotions we humans can experience, so its potential to cause horrifically abusive and regrettable consequences is greater than most - we must live as breathe, where we can create a solid foundation within ourselves, within all friendships, where the taint of unstable emotions like anger will not disrupt our living of a world of real worth as equality and oneness.