Day 214: I am so serious part 2

So being serious all the time, its a serious problem - not to say that the situation humanity is in currently is not serious, because it is. Not to say that when we have problems in our network of work colleagues, family and friends that it is not serious, because it is. Not to say that when you hear an educated person say a really ignorant statement, that it is not a serious problem, because it is.

However, I have seen for myself that when we get trapped within this seriousness inside our mind, that we actually end up limiting ourselves in a variety of ways.

This limitation needs to be expelled -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a "I'm so serious" character all the time. I realise that as this character I limit my ability to communicate in group settings especially where there are jokes within this group. I realise that i miss moments of joy, where i can express the fun of myself here, and celebrate the small and large victories that we develop in our lives through completing projects well.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that this seriousness stems from reacting as the ego to certain moments and scenarios in my life that are genuinely serious, but through this reaction pattern I go and define myself according to the seriousness I experience within these serious moments that happen in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to this seriousness character through continually reacting to serious moments, instead of realising this in the moment and releasing the point through breathe where I remain stable here, and when this is applied consistently I prepare myself for future scenarios when shit hits the fan again, to not react and remain here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to created a self belief that I am somehow "strengthened" through this serious character I endorse as myself. I realise that this is really just a defence mechanism of my ego attempting to stop me from investigating and correcting this seriousness pattern.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that through defining myself as this seriousness, I affiliate and "recognise myself" within films and music that evokes a "serious vibe" where I then go and define music and films that are serious to be "better" then films that aren't, compounding the programming, which is like saying because a film isn't serious it cant be supportive for a person which is obviously not true.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every here moment of breathe, that there is a big difference between being stable and being serious - when I am here breathing I am stable as a living being able to express myself as life, where I am able to be serious and joking at my own choosing from moment to moment - when I am trapped within this seriousness character, I cannot see anything other then the intense heaviness of being serious, completely limiting my expression.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that limiting my ability to laugh from moment to moment is not advisable, because the physical enjoyment of laughter is not something that any being should be missing, as it is conducive to physical and mental health.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the ignorant statements of another, especially if they are well educated from a rich family as a trigger for transforming into this seriousness character - I realise that when this occurs, i will literally not be able to laugh or enjoy any moment around this person, until they take responsibility for their words, where I will literally go out of my way to try and offend the person through harsh and direct words, to "show them" their stupidity.

I realise that within this kind of attack on a person I am not supporting myself or the other person, but rather creating unnecessary conflict with the person, and I must learn that I cannot change the ignorance of a person right now here just because I want that here now - everyone is walking  their own process and thus will have moments of self-realisation at various times

So I forgive myself that i have not realised in all moments that i cannot change a person to become a better being, especially through creating conflict with that person, i can only assist others with bits of seed planting here and there, i can only ever change myself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to remove all of the stupidity in the world, and to believe that I can do that in a way through being serious 24/7, which of course as I am exposing here is complete bullshit.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to get sad about my mother or dogs getting ill, because that is understandable, but rather to then become entrapped within this seriousness character as a result of holding onto this serious sadness i experience when I see them suffering.

So I forgive myself for allowing myself to hold onto this sad and serious experience I have after seeing my family getting more ill, I realise that this seriousness will not assist me in comforting them to the best of my ability, and will not assist me because this seriousness keep me entrapped within emotions and instability, where I end up again attacking someone with harsh direct language even when the person is trying to assist me by lightening my mood so to speak.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect and charge memories of serious events in my life, through repeatedly listening to music and watching films only that have a serious tone. I realise that this only allows for the memories to become further entrenched, the emotions to be maintained, and this seriousness character to become more of who I am which is separation which I will not allow to continue for myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't realised that when I am entrapped within this serious character, I really cannot do anything effectively - I do not want to go anywhere, I do not want to speak to anybody, i do not want to give my full attention to anything, I just want to sit in a dark room with sunglasses on listening to sad music, brooding as this seriousness - this is not supportive for me or anyone else, so I take responsibility to stop this.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to lose the ability to laugh organically that I once had when I was a child, this is something I will walk to recreate in my life.

I forgive myself for connecting the word serious to a variety of other words where my living of the word serious is in complete separation from myself. I take responsibility to redefine the word serious in my life as a living example of whats best for all - serious - where I see and realise all of us, where we all see that we must be serious, passionate and give our full effort to complete anything effectively in our life, where I change my understanding and living of the word serious from energy to physical support.

So I commit myself to redefining and living a new meaning of the word serious, where I allow myself to be serious in order to support myself to concentrate while working hard on a project, but where I am always loose enough to be able to laugh during this process, as the victories of serious concentration on a project come to fruition.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to become entrapped within and as this serious character within and as my mind, so as and when I see my mind reacting as thoughts in serious situations, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to engage the thoughts, as I realise that I will entrap myself within the energy/emotion/instability that is associated with this serious character. So rather then interacting I continue to breathe until there are no more thoughts that come up, which will indicate my transcendence of the point.

I commit myself to living the realisation that, smiling and laughter is just as important in life as being serious, and that when we are at our optimum capacity as a living being, we are able to switch from serious to laughter throughout our days, which maximises or potential in all areas of our life.