Day 144: Detachment within conversations and language judgments Part 2

Continuing from my last blog -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself in my mind from a conversation I am having with someone who is introducing a topic to me that I am not familiar with and/or have no passion for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed into this pre-program, by essentially forcing myself into a distraction from the topic the person is discussing rather then engaging the person as an equal within the conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a topic as not being worthy of listening too with my full attention, just because I am not familiar with the topic or I have no passion for it. I realise that this definition is based in separation and is complete ignorance and disrespect towards a person that is trying to engage, interact and share a point with me.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments that this self-accepted brainwashing is showing me that sub-consciously, I am basically saying to a person that only what I want to discuss is worthy of discussion. Clearly this is my ego placing myself as being of more value then the other person in these moments, so I take self-responsibility to end this limiting process now.

I forgive myself that in these moments of detaching from a conversation that within this I am literally saying that I do not care if I offend this person at all, that its "ok" to be an ignorant arsehole to them right now because I don't want to talk about this topic, when really it is never acceptable to be an arsehole to someone that is peacefully talking with me.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that any time I start having a conversation with a person, there is separate conversation going on in my head, where I am deliberating and analysing peoples conversations, discussing with my back chat about whether not I should actually listen and engage with this person in this conversation. Which is literally like saying  - should I allow myself to get mind possessed by engaging as this detaching character right now, to avoid this persons conversation topics? I have found that once I decide to start discussing with my back chat, that the back chat always ends up prevailing by directing me. So within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk into all conversations awaiting to possess myself as this detachment character at a moments notice -  I realise that this is unacceptable, and even if the conversation topic is something I'm not familiar with, or I don't have a passion for it -- that does not validate detaching from the conversation, because I have since realised that all information is equal, and as such is all valid in equal proportions, no matter how insignificant my mind deems it.


I forgive myself that even when a conversation topic is completely pointless, in terms of just being based in gossip or fear in some way, that I still accept myself to become this detached character. I have realised that in these moments - directing the conversation to a solution, or a different point, or even stopping discussing with the person are all much better options for all, instead of me sitting there completely disregarding and not caring to listen and engage with the person.    

I forgive myself that I have not noticed in all moments, that when I am existing as this detachment character in conversations with a person, that I will sometimes be completely unaware that I'm nodding, or making agreeing noises, which is actually showing me an outflow that this detachment character is embedded deep in my unconscious.

I forgive myself that through these unconscious nodding and agreeing noises/responses, I am accepting and allowing myself to attempt to "cover my tracks" because of the fact that I am not listening to what the person is saying, but I am trying to manipulate the person into thinking that I am listening to them - So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to manipulate peoples responses when I am detached from the conversation.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise, that just as I found out at work once - there can be serious consequences to not being fully aware, fully listening and engaging in a conversation, so I must stop this detachment character now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the Chinese language as less important to me then Japanese. I realise that while it is perfectly fine to have favourite languages, that does not justify defining other languages as less important -- all languages are just a variation of  the expression of communication, and it is this variety of expressing the same things, that makes every language as cool as each other and as valid as each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare languages in a "league table" in my mind of relevance to me, which as I have just highlighted is completely unacceptable because all languages are equal in truth, so I take self-responsibility to re-program myself to see all languages as such.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on board the historical hostility between Japan and China as myself. I realise that regardless of friends, and massive amounts of points of interest to me in Japan, that does not and cannot ever validate having any hostility towards any people from a country that has had historical differences with Japan. I realise that this would be stupid even for someone indigenous to these countries, because of "who did what to who", it is merely the acceptance of an excuse for war, which is always unacceptable, and which I will not allow to continue because all living beings are equal.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to become this detachment character within conversations with people, regardless of what the topic is. When and as I see thoughts coming up in these moments, I stop and breathe, I do not participate with any of these thoughts - I realise that doing so would only have the detrimental consequence of becoming the detachment character, which would only have further detrimental consequences of not listening to the person, potentially damaging the relationship, and potentially missing vital information that I need to fully listen to, in order to complete something more effectively in my life -- so I continue to breathe in these situations, until there are no thoughts that come up in these situations.

I commit myself to not have discussions with my back chat in these situations, which always leads to accepting a pre-program - so I stop, I breathe and I make sure that there is no deliberation process that takes place in my mind.

I commit myself to living the realisation that all topics in this world are equal, because all is here to be investigated and directed to what's best, because I realise that even the most insignificant gossip, fear based mind babble can be directed to solutions and what's best for all - so if I ever notice my mind having back chat about some topics being more important, then I stop and breathe, I do not engage any thoughts, I just continue self-corrective application of breathing until I am stable in all moments.

I commit myself to living the fact that all lanugages are equal in this world, and while its fine to have favourite countries/languages based on enjoying the sound of a language, enjoying a particluar culuture, or having enjoyable expereinces with friends from a certain country, i realise that regardless of this, all languages are equal in everyway. So as and when i notice backchat coming up in my mind in rleation to another language, i stop and breathe delting these thoughts no matter how many times until i am completely clear.